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Old 10-25-2012, 08:58 AM   #27
ESB Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
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Default Re: Mundine (and his fans) exposed...

If this did not take you a week to come up with it would be a solid 5/10.
It is also let down by constant butchering of the poems rhythm and stanza that you set out.
For example you start out with for lines per verse, each rhyming melodically and ending in the same sound, with a standard 4 bar rhyming pattern. (ba da da, ba da da, ba da da, ba da). You fail to see this through, chopping and interchanging to only rhyming 2 lines, to even altering between 2 and 5 lines per verse.

A sad attempt, made exponentially worse by the fact the poems where a topic of discussion a week ago, and this is your best shot, something you have worked on for some time....PATHETIC.
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