Reading through an old annual of The Onion and thought I'd share this with everyone.
* Its important to keep your routine varied, If you;ve been saying "Ooooooof" everytime you lift, try switching to "Unnnggghhh".
* To gain respect in the gym, bludgeon with a dumbbell the first guy who offers to trade sets with you.
* Weightlifting is not just a sport for men. It is also enjoyed by many lesbos.
* A good rule of thumb for bodybuilding: If no sleeved garment fits you, you can stop.
* Doctors warn of the dangers of steroid abuse, so be a ***** and let some ***** doctor tell you what to do, *****.
* Its true, bodybuilding is a great way to meet, terrify, and repulse the opposite ***.
* Power up with a good meal of infants before doing any substantial lifting.
* Keep in mind that weightlifting is a physical activity. Carrying heavy emotional baggage or any other metaphorical burden will not actually improve strength.
* Remember: Flexibility is of no importance to a bodybuilder. Why turn your head when you can rotate your entire torso to achieve the same effect.
* Supplement your diet with vitamin B-12, magnesium, glutamine, amino acids, horse steroids, and zinc.
* If you are a female bodybuilder, concentrate on transforming your breasts into leathery slabs of rock hard muscle. Guys love that.