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Old 09-15-2011, 09:59 AM   #3496
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Default Re: Official 2011 Aussie NRL Thread

A Manly fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Manly jumper. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St Peter in a Souths scarf.

"Hello, mate," says St Peter, "I'm sorry, no Manly fans in heaven."

"What?" exclaims the man, astonished.

"You heard. No Manly fans."

"But, but, but, I've been a good man," replies the Manly supporter.

"Oh, really?" says St Peter. "What have you done then?"

"Well," says the guy, "three weeks before I died, I gave 20 bucks to the starving children in Africa."

"Oh," says St Peter. "Anything else?"

"Well, two weeks before I died, I also gave 20 bucks to the homeless.

"Hmmm. Anything else?"

"Yeah. A week before I died, I gave 20 bucks to the Albanian orphans. "Okay," says St Peter, "you wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor."

Ten minutes pass before St Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me.

Here's your sixty bucks back, now **** off."
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Old 09-15-2011, 10:00 AM   #3497
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Default Re: Official 2011 Aussie NRL Thread

Two boys are playing football in a Sydney park, when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.

"Rabbitohs fan saves friend from vicious animal", he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Rabbitohs fan," the boy replies. "Tigers fan rescues friend from horrific attack," the reporter starts again. "I'm not a Tigers fan either, " the boy says.

"Then what are you?" the reporter says."I'm a Roosters fan !!!" The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Low life bastard kills family pet".
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Old 09-15-2011, 10:01 AM   #3498
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A young man was very excited because he just won a ticket to the Grand Final. His excitement lessened as he realized his seat was in the back of the stadium. As he searched the rows ahead of him for a better seat, he found an empty one right next to the field.

He approached the man sitting next to the empty seat and asked if it was taken.
The man replied, "No."

Amazed the young man asked, "How could someone pass up a seat like this?"

The older gentleman responded, "That's my wife's seat. We've been to every Grand Final together since the day we were married but she has passed away."

"Oh, how sad," the man said. "I'm sorry to hear that, but couldn't you find a friend or relative to come with you?"

"No," the man said, "They're all at the funeral."
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Old 09-15-2011, 10:05 AM   #3499
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Three footy fans leave the stadium after a game and come across a dead, naked woman lying in the middle of the street. After they call the cops, they each take off their caps and place them on the dead woman out of respect and to cover her private parts until the cops arrive.

The first fan places his Rabbitohs cap over her left breast, the second places his Eels cap on her right breast and the third fan places his Roosters cap on her pubic area.

The cops finally arrive, and the officers take statements from the fans to find out what happened. After explaining that they found her naked and covered her up with their caps, the cop went over to examine the body. He briefly lifted the Rabbitohs cap, and quickly replaced it; then he lifted the Eels cap, and also quickly replaced it.

However, when he lifted the Roosters cap, he stared and stared for what seemed to be two or three minutes. Finally, he let the cap drop, walked away, wrote in his notebook, then returned and lifted the Roosters cap once again and stared for a long time.

As he was walking away the second time, the fans were curious and stopped him and asked him why he spent so much time looking at the woman's cunt, and he said, "It's the first time I've seen anything other than a arsehole under a Roosters cap."
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Old 09-15-2011, 10:06 AM   #3500
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A little boy from Redfern had gone to Rome on holiday with his family hoping to see the Pope. Anyway, a couple of days after they'd arrived, the Pope was doing a tour of the city in his Popemobile. The little lad was a bit worried that the Pope wouldn't be able to pick him out in the crowd, so his Mum said "Don't worry, the Pope is a footy fan, so wear your Souths jumper and he's bound to pick you out and talk to you."

So, they're in the crowd, but the Pope-mobile drives past them, and stops a bit further down the street where the pope gets out and speaks to a little boy in a Roosters jumper. The lad is distraught and starts crying. His Mum says "Don't worry, the Pope's driving around tomorrow as well, so we'll get you a Roosters jumper and then he's bound to see you."

The next day arrives, and the boy's got on his new Roosters jumper. The Popemobile stops right by him, the pope gets out, bends down and says to the lad "I thought I told you to **** off yesterday!"
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Old 09-15-2011, 10:10 AM   #3501
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A Family of Penrith supporters head out one Saturday morning to do their Christmas shoplifting. While in Rebel Sports the son picks up a Souths footy jumper and says to his 10 year old sister, "I've decided to become a Rabbitoh supporter and I would like this for Christmas". His sister, outraged by this, promptly whacks him round the head with her carton of Winfields and says, "Go talk to Mum.

Off goes the little lad with the Souths footy jumper in hand and finds his mother. "Mum?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be a Rabbitoh supporter and I would like this jumper for Christmas". The mother is outraged at this and throws her moccasins and a full stubbie of VB at him, promptly whacks him around the head and says, "lets go talk to your father".

Off they go to Parklea Prison during visiting hours with footy jumper in hand and find bubba, his father. "Dad?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be a Souths supporter and I would like this jumper for Christmas". The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head with his fists and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT", and then kicks him from one end of the rec. room to the other for further good measure.

About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The mother turns to her son and says "Son, I hope you've learned something today?" The son says, "Yes I have." "Good son, what is it?"

The son replies, "I've only been a Souths supporter for an hour and already I hate you Penrith cunts."
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Old 09-15-2011, 10:13 AM   #3502
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Two men talking in a pub. One says, ¨what school did you go to¨ and the other says, ¨Wagga Wagga High School¨. The first guy says, ¨only whores and footballers went there¨. He got a tap on the shoulder and looked around and found himself standing in front of a 6ft 5in monster who said, ¨Oi, my wife went to that school¨. He looked up into the monsters eyes and said in a quiet voice, ¨Oh really, which position did she play¨.
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Old 09-15-2011, 10:14 AM   #3503
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Default Re: Official 2011 Aussie NRL Thread

Steve Kearney decides to get the Parra boys into some pre-season training. He gets them out on the paddock and says "right boys, get in position", so all the Parra players run and stand behind the goalposts
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Old 09-15-2011, 10:16 AM   #3504
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Default Re: Official 2011 Aussie NRL Thread

an Old leaguie picks a league groupie and gets her home, decides tell impress with an acount of one his outstanding games to help hopefully bed her, he he starts his long talk ending with" there we were scores all locked up final seconds and me with a converstion from the side line, ankle strapped, from a twist, I kick it and win us the game!", so involved was he in his story he hadn't noticed she had left at some stage.

Phones her next day and promises a good time tonight, he wines and dines her and gets her home, but still not confident decides to impress with his appearance in a SOO game, begins his talk ending with"3rd game of SOO 1 game each scores all locked up final seconds and there I was kicking leg just hanging by my side and a sideline conversion, with my non kicking leg I covert it, we win the series!", he looks around and once again she has gone.

Phones her next day very appoligetic and she agrees to one last date, he wines and dines best place in the city and gets her home, still not confident decides to try the time he played in a grand final, he starts his talk, as he talks, she is very horny and can't stand it and begins to undress, the old fella, is absorbed in his story, she stands there naked rubbing her cunt, he ends with" there we were one point final seconds and me with a conversion right in front to win the grand final", she suddenly lets out standing there naked rubbing her cunt "have you ever felt a real cunt?", old fella responds, " yeah I missed the bloody conversion."
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Old 09-16-2011, 07:48 AM   #3505
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Default Re: Official 2011 Aussie NRL Thread

Sounds like the tigers just choked bigtime!
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Old 09-16-2011, 08:19 AM   #3506
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Default Re: Official 2011 Aussie NRL Thread

big big time.
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Old 09-16-2011, 09:07 AM   #3507
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Default Re: Official 2011 Aussie NRL Thread

ffs Tigers. I cant believe they managed to throw that away.
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Old 09-16-2011, 10:02 AM   #3508
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Default Re: Official 2011 Aussie NRL Thread

Tigpies lol merged scum oh well
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Old 09-16-2011, 10:48 AM   #3509
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Default Re: Official 2011 Aussie NRL Thread



Bye Bye Tigers

Warriors to pump the Storm
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Old 09-16-2011, 11:35 AM   #3510
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oh dear
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