Stewart: "Mosley Will Be READY For His Comeback Fight"

I thought I'd share this with ya'll. I know there's a lot of big Mosley fans out there and I don't get an opportunity to do interviews and write articles very often. Anyway, you're welcome. I hope the illustrative emoticons are helpful. Most journalists don't have the option to use them.

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Interview by Boxed Ears, Professor Emeritus of Caxap University and Russia's leading somnambulist



In a visit with team Mosley, this morning, I was able to sit down with the newest expert to join the group. Renowned guru and American businesswoman Martha Stewart. As I drove up to her private gym, which she affectionately calls "The Sweat Shop", she was there to greet me with a large basket of orange/ginger muffins. She politely asked that I not eat any inside the gym and wait until after the interview. It wasn't easy...but I pushed away the thought of my hunger. The muffins looked amazing, in their Martha Stewart Collection Luxury Basket. We were both all business, niceties aside.

We walked into the immaculate gym, the first I've ever been in that smelled of cinnamon or had a floral decor, and we had a ringside seat as Shane and Brother Naz were using their new, previously secret weapon to show the world Sugar Shane ain't done yet.


MS: There it is. It's why they asked for me as a specialty consultant on Team Mosley. Nobody understands what they're doing right now better than myself.

BE: Naz is just throwing the same old white towel at his head, like always. I don't understand. What difference are we seeing?

MS: The "same old white towel" has been retired. That was an old cotton gym towel. No, if you'll be kind enough to look closely, that's a cream of portabella shaded, 120 thread-count, Nueva Persian Cotton, Martha Stewart Collection, Deluxe, Boxing Towel.

BE: Say what? You trippin'. What do you know about boxing training towels, Martha? Brother Naz is the expert when it comes to boxing training towels. He invented the entire toweling discipline! Where do you come in on that?

MS: Shut your jive-ass mouth up and I'll tell you, *****. Look at you. ...Look like your mama got mounted by a ******ed water buffalo. Then, whoomp, nine months later, there you come.

BE: :?...

MS: :yep

BE: ...:huh

MS: :rofl

BE: Oh. Ha. Damn. Okay, go ahead, girl. I like your style. Respect.

MS: Yes, the 120 thread-count towels are much faster than regular gym towels. They're *aerodynamic*, for a sharper, crisper offensive maneuver simulation. This hones the reflexes better than the regular towel, and better than even Roger Mayweather's focus mitt routine.

BE: Very interesting. But, I'm still skeptical. Also, where I come from, we say "focus pads" not "focus mitts".

MS: Where you come from is wrong, *******.

BE: ...:twisted:...

MS:

BE: Dammit, woman. You're breaking my balls today.

MS: Wait till after the interview.

BE:

MS: Off the record, I get off work at six.

BE: If that's what's up, you get off at 6:30 and 7:15 too!

MS: ...

BE: ...And 8:00, 8:01, 8:03...

MS: ...

(At this point, Nazim Richardson tells Shane to take a break and joins us)

NR: What do you think, BE?

BE: I'm a believer in these towels, I'll tell you what. How are they on absorption? I might want to use one this evening.

NR: Shane is dry. Even though he was swimming in sugar water. Except for the sweat.

BE: I don't know what that means.

NR: :good

(we shake hands and Richardson walks away)

MS: The flirting part was off the record, I presume.

BE: Mhmm.

MS: Where's this interview going to appear, again? ESPN?

BE: No. I'll be back later. Thanks for the muffins.


Mosley's comeback opponent is rumored to either be Shaq in a rematch or Kimbo. Either way, those guys are in serious trouble. Shane's head movement is looking sweet. Wonderful job, Martha.