***The Mariusz "Whickety" Wach Express***

Excuse me good sir?

-He is bigger
-He is undefeated
-He is experienced
-He is Polish

What more do you need to know? Vickety Vach is coming and the Wlad fans can't stand it.

 

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Transcript In English

Announcer: And now let's watch some highlight video made by some ***gy Youtube nerd

*Video Of Mariusz Wach*

Announcer: It seems that little dweeb thought he could compress Mariusz's greatness to a 1 minute video. Idiot. Anyway here is the future king of the heavyweight division Mariusz "Better Than Adamek" Wach.

*Audience Applauds As Wach And Some Little Man Approach The Podium*

Wach: Hello everybody it is so nice to be here

Little Man: I'd just like to take this opportunity to tell everybody I am not "The Greek" from The Wire. So please stop asking.

Wach: Thank you Mr Little Man. If I was not such a humble and dashing fighter I would have crushed you into a basketball for interrupting me. Luckily I am in a good mood because I am going to be champion before the end of the year. And your moustache makes me smile.

Little Man: I am blessed 1000x by your presence Mr Whickety Wach. Now Mr Klitschko has tried to have this fight cancelled 6 times already because he states the rockhardness of your Polish chin must be illegal because it will break his hand and poison him.

Wach: I have taken Mr Klitschko's concerns into account. I checked with the commission and they have assured me that I can bring my rock-hard chin, my immense size, and my crushing power to the fight legally. However I must leave at least 1/4 of my elite technique and ring IQ at home to keep things fair. I've decided to leave 1/3 just for fun.

Little Man: What a great sportsman. And very handsome too. The champion has just whispered into my ears that he will be willing to relinquish the belts to you tomorrow if you promise to cancel this fight and leave him and his brother alone forever.

Wach: I must decline Mr Klitschko's offer because I want to win these belts fair and square to prove my great Polish slickness to the world. I will even take on both Klitschkos in the same night if I have to. Fight Vitali in Stage 1, Haye in Stage 2, and Wlad can be the Final Boss like in Mortal Kombat II. Sega Genesis rules.

Little Man: Wlad says he thought of putting that in the contract but Haye has insisted on crushing Vitali and refuses to become the third brother of Team Klitschko.

Wach: I will leave that business between them. I do see a family resemblance between Vitali and Haye but Wlad would definitely look like the black sheep in that family. Perhaps we could have a unification match after between myself and Vitali+David Klitschko.

Little Man: Absolutely the fans would want to see that. Any final words Mr World Champion?

Wach: I just want to thank my supporters and Jesus and my family for the gifts I have been given. I may not have the WORKRATE~! that Mr Adamek has but at least I don't suck eggs or have a weakness to the dreaded rangefinder jab like him either. Go Red Sox.

Little Man: Thank you for your presence Mr Wach. I have some more questions but Wladimir is begging for mercy too loudly in my ears so I cannot concentrate. We'll call it a day here.

*End Transcript*

 

Fight of the century my ass. Now that the hypejob Eurobum Charr is out of the way it's time for the Whickety Wach Polish Express to kick to it into overdrive.

Night night Wlad. There won't be any way to cry that you were poisoned this time when you break both your fists off Wach's giganto chin.

All Aboard Baby.

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Unlike Eddie Chambers, Chris Byrd, and Hasim Rahman, Mariusz Wach forced Wlad to go the full 12 rounds.

Unlike David Haye, Sultan Igbragidnjdsjksnckjnmxv, and Samuel Peter, Mariusz Wach went toe-to-toe with Wlad and took his hardest punches right to the cheeen. For 12 straight rounds.

Where is your power now Wlad? Your one-punch knockout power? Your jab-jab-jab into a staight right that obliterates all comers?

Wlad vs Whickety Wach Part II. The fans demand it.