What one ability distinguished Boston Tom McMustache...

He was only 5-foot-3, the girls could not resist his stare

 

He was only 5-foot-3, the girls could not resist his stare

 

Being possibly the only fighter ever to be able last 45 rounds against a prime SNV?

It's still a chance though.

 

When on a break from a lucrative exhibition tour of Paris Tom single handled exhausted the entire staff of Madame le clappe's luxurious brothel. Even the janitor could not sit down for a week!

HOWEVER, his one unique ability became apparent on the same tour when the talented McMustache delighted audiences with his rendition of "you are my sunshine" on a grand piano. This he would perform whilst raising both hands triumphantly into the air and hammering out each note using only his ***** on the ivory keyboard.

 

Interestingly, McMustache was only half moustache on his mother's side. Like many Jewish families, the McMustaches took the mother's surname (and facial hair), adopting only the father's rugged nostrils and handsome hands.

When Boston Tom died, autopsies revealed that the roots of his moustache entered fully three centimetres into his upper lip, right into the very skull itself. Whether this was a result of his many fights or a condition he'd had since birth was never determined. Whatever the case may be, it was a fitting explanation for why no one was ever able to claim from him the title of moustache conqueror of the known world (and Boston region), until the advent of Earnie Shavers.

I still have no ****ing clue what his one unique ability was.

 

That was hardly unique for those days.

 

Scandalous slander. That was Philadelphia Tom McMustache, born Yusuf McTavish, and it didn't take place until several years after Boston Tom had retired at the venerable age of 32.

I mean Boston Tom couldn't even kiss a lady's hand without his iron-like mustache severing her wrist. If he licked a whole saloon full of people there would be record, photographs even, of all the mustache scars carved into patrons flesh.

 

He also, in his declining years, filmed all of Harry Greb's fights and, on a whim, used them as fuel for his fireplace.

 

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Went on a 160 city tour of "Able Facial Hair and Willing Hearts" in 30 days. Carried the train engine on his back for the last 40 stops.

 

newspaper clippings indicate that Boston would slick his mustache with gypsy tears pre-fight.

 

I think you'll find that was actually Tom "Nonpareil" McMustache, a wandering hobo who'd occasionally engage in bareknuckle tache-offs to fund his craving for extra large double chocolate frappuccinos. Unlike the more famous bearer of his name, nonpareil had a soft and downy moustache that was a pleasure to feel upon the back of the hand, and never once caused fatal lacerations.

 

Didn't this lead to his legendary showdown (and subsequent knockout) of Gypsy Taggore Chang-Vasquez?

 

:rofl