A narrative about my failed attempt to...

to provide you guys with photos and video footage of the Pac/Cotto press conference at the Beverly Hills Hotel:


Chapter One: "Private Event"
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I wake up at ****in' 10:30. Get my ass out the door by 10:45. I arrive at the Hotel at roughly 11:30ish...possibly 11:45. I park my car and as I'm walking around the wall of tall shrubbery and passed all the limos parked outside the front lobby, I look for a side entrance so I don't encounter any Hosts asking 21 questions. But to no luck did I find any such entrance as they were both locked. So I waited for a the perfect moment to simply waltz in there all incognito like I owned the ****in' place. Sure enough some white family in their gay ass Salmon polos had some poor ass sap carry their luggage out the car, I walked moderately fast through the front entrance. As I walked in, I casually saw all the bellhops and security around the main lobby.

I walked towards the left side of the main lobby where the "Sunset Room" was and further left was a sign posted "Private Event." I see 4 fine ass looking females trying to pose for a picture in front of a set of stairs that had a very elegant chandelier. But I couldnt let my raging libido take focus away from my goal of the afternoon. I quietly and quickly went down the stairs to see what the **** was this "Private Event." And I saw that a nice ballroom setup with food and many empty seats and two security guards in suits waiting by the doors. One with a clipboard and the other looking incredibly stoic. They didnt notice me at the staircase so I booked it out of there so that I wouldn't get kicked out. But I was sure that was most likely where it was going to be held. But it was empty so I was early.

So I sat in the main lobby plotting my next move...

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Chapter Two: "East Side Boxing"
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As I sat there contemplating how the **** I'm supposed to get in because clearly this is a press-only private conference. I figured that maybe I can throw in a story to one of the guards saying that I'm part of EastSideBoxing.com and affliated through FightNews.com as part of a guest crew member on the list to get in. So I sat there waiting for the perfect moment. Got on my cell phone to call an older friend of mine. I figured maybe a bit of female flattery would do the trick. Picture darling eyes, full lips, and C cups...yea...pretty hard to resist.

Well...the ***** didn't pick up her phone:verysad:-(. So I had to think quick. Then I see a quiet and short Filipino dude walk in and I overheard him asking where the press conference might be held and they told him it's a private event and that you need to be on the list to get in.

SO...as he walked away a rejected man, I walked quickly behind him and whispered "Psst...hey!...HEY!" And he finally turned around.
"You're here for the press conference too?"
"Yea. You're here for that too?"
"Hell yea man! ...Hey listen, what exactly did you tell them because I got this idea that if I said that you and I were part of a boxing affliated website we can probably get in."
"I didnt say nothing. I just asked where it was..."
"Okay awesome. This can still work. Do you have a camera?"
"No...no I don't man."
"Alright don't worry about it. Just stick with me."

Me and this more than likely Pacfan walk up towards this bellhop that was closest to the main entrance and asked him where the press conference would be at because we're with EastSideBoxing.com and we came to capture photo and video footage . The hispanic man said that's its all the way on the other side and that we would have to be on the list. Then some guy chillin' in the lobby approached us and said "Pacquiao's supposed to be here?...A press conference?"
"Yup," I said.
"Against Cotto right? Because I saw him here last night. They were wearing red and white jump suits and he had his headphones on when he was trying to catch the elevator. I didn't know who he was until I saw his gym bag with his name on it. But yea...I didn't know Pacquiao was going to be here. I haven't seen any huge entourage or loads of fillipinos anywhere."
"Wow...he's already here. That's crazy man. Well we better be on our way then. Thanks for the info."

Me and this Pacfan walk up to two security guards that were blocking a door and set of stairs.
"Excuse me."
"Yes. How can I assist you?"
"Me and my friend Teddy here (I didn't catch his name so I made one up on the fly) are wondering where the press conference is being held because we're with EastSideBoxing.com and we lost our itinerary back at the office so we're just trying to figure this out as we go."
"Well, first of all, your name would have to be on the list and you would need a press pass to get in as well. And seeing as how neither of you are carrying a pass I can't let you in. I'm sorry."
"Well would there be anyway of finding out if our names ARE on that list? Or possibly talk to the manager of security?"
I can tell already that this guy, although not buying into my story considering my incredibly young and all too casual appearance, was very nervous and growing very tired of my bull****.
"Look. You're going to have to get in contact with one of the boxing associations if you want to get in because we're just security. We don't run this thing. We just enforce the policy and security here. And policy is we can't let anyone in without a pass."
"Okay, well thank you for your time."

Me and this very dishardened Pacfan left the lobby with our heads hung low with disappointment. He thanked me for my efforts and I thanked him for his help and he took off. But in no ****ing way was I ready to give up that easily. This is Miguel ****in' Cotto dammit. I came here to see him. I came here to meet Pac. I came here with a burning passion for boxing and it's biggest event of the year. No way am I leaving without a fight.

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Chapter Three: "You're Lucky I Don't Have Your Ass Arrested Pal"
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I leave the front lobby and began thinking to go MacGyver on this **** and sneak in MI:3 style. The utter rush of all of this began to sink in and my heart was pounding. So I walked around the back because the bellhop said it was on the other side of the hotel. So I walked up the side of the hotel for a possible back/side door or entrance/exit that I could snake in through.

As I'm walking up the side, I see another douchefag in a black suit and shades walking out patroling the side entrance. So I immediately ran onto the grass and into the bushes to stay out of sight. I tried to think of a way I can get in this ****. A diversion. Some sort of thing that would give me enough time to sneak right behind him and get in. And sure enough, the guy takes a double take of what's around him and he pulls out a pack of smokes. :smoke...He lights one up and takes a nice long drag from his Marlboro.

As he smokes his cancer stick, I crawl ever slowly closer to the door waiting for a possible opening to run in. And again...sure enough...He takes the cigarette to his lips and turns to his right and ever so slowly strolls down that way to check out the corner.

With every bit of ninja prowess I can muster I jet for the door. I ****in' run towards the abandoned entrance trying to little to zero noise as I do it. And just as I'm 2 feet away I notice he begins to turn around in alert of the bush I just tripped over.

SUCCESS! I make it inside and head for a giant pillar to hide behind. The ****in' exhilaration from doing something that felt completely illegal and badass was getting to me. And just as I had felt like I was that much closer to the conference. I heard a voice.

"HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING INSIDE HERE?"
"Im sorry I was looking for the press conference because I was told it would be around here," as I tried to smoothly convince him while I was catching my breath.
"You better get the **** out of here before I have you kicked off the premises..."
"OKay okay. No need to be hostile. I'll leave."
"You're lucky I don't have your ass arrested Pal."
"Thank you again."

As I walked away with adrenaline pumping in my vains and an urge to just knock that fat ***** out for talking **** and sneak in regardless. I decided I'm much to young for this sort of serious trouble and the risk is certainly not worth the reward. I've already put myself in enough ridiculous jeopardy to begin with so I called it a day.


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Epilogue: My final thoughts
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Win, lose or draw. This will be a fight worth watching and one that will be held closest to my heart as this adventure has certainly elevated it's sentimental value in my book.

I hope you enjoyed the story of my ****ed up day. But one I can at least say with my head held high, that I did everything I could to get inside.

 

I was ****in' sad but happy...I had to tell somebody about my failed vocational exploits as a psuedo-spy

Fun while it lasted :conf

 

Well...lets say Teddy didnt help me much. :yep

Damn it was fun though.