Anthony Mundine vs. Xavier Tolliver & Sonny Bill Williams vs. Alipate Liava'a RBR

Round 2

Williams is jabbing long, looking very relaxed and paying for it as Liava'a catches him with a short right hand. Williams recovers again and continues to calmly land undefended jabs to the face from outside. Hard right cross by Williams doesn't even make Liava'a blink. Now Williams is showboating a bit and actually spins in place while walking past Liava'a at point blank range. Williams starts to flick up-jabs into Liava'a's face to set up his right hand. Liava'a plods after him across the gigantic ring, a little 43 year old fat man slowly chasing a big tall strong prime rugby player in a thirty foot enclosure. Very strange.

20-18 Williams

 

Round 3

Liava'a is loading up big right hands while wading in after Williams but never getting a chance to land one. Williams jabs and ties up when he tires from constant (but not particularly strenuous) evasive maneuvers. More tying up. This isn't wonderful. Liava'a might be going his first round through 3 to have not landed so much as one right hand. Oh, Liava'a doesn't jab by the way. It's against his religion. There we go, a whipping side-arm right by Liava'a...doubled up, even. They both miss horribly.

30-27 SBW

 

Round 4

Williams is jabbing, moving, hugging. Williams gets lazy for a moment, leaning against the ropes for a breather with his arms down and the commentators rightly give him crap for it but Liava'a isn't able to exploit it. Liava'a crosses his forearms to try and keep out the jabs...but fails miserably. They're just snapping straight through and tipping his big fat head back. At least he has a nice layer of blubber to prevent him from getting concussed. :conf Williams is hooking off his jab and/or doubling it. Williams is circling in closer, lingering inside and trying to work the body. His corner yells at him to get back outside and slow it back down. AGAIN, Williams does the little spin move where he turns his back to Liava'a momentarily while dancing past him within arm's reach. Liava'a just stares at him like a hungry little obese child peeking through the neighbor's window at a freshly baked pie.

40-36

I'll say this - Williams is a slightly better boxer than his American counterpart in Tommy Zbikowski (an NFL football player turned heavyweight boxer).

 

I think it's gonna be more like, halfway through the 6th round Liava'a has a revelation that he is in fact John Cusack, Amanda Peet, and like five other people all at the same time. Then Williams is going to jab him in the nose while he's standing there in a trance, and Liava'a will scream "MY FACE!!! WHAT DID THEY DO TO MY FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!?!??!!"

 

Round 5

Williams jabs and circles wide, giving Liava'a a lot of respect. This is slapstick. Liava'a cuts him off and grabs him in a bear hug, working his free hand a little before the ref calls a break - Liava'a's first contact in a while. Williams leans forward and drops both fists down on Liava'a's face in succession before casually stepping out of range before the Tongan can even begin to lift his arms. We're talking slow. I mean, like slow enough that the Slowskis (the turtles in those commercials) would be hitting the fast forward button.

10-9 Williams

50-45

 

Round 6

Liava'a comes forward and shoves Williams right up to the ropes but Williams slinks off. Jabs from Williams, walking all over the ring (can't really call it running when a toddler in the crawling phase could keep pace). AGAIN Williams does his cocky spinning-and-presenting-his-backside move. What Liava'a should do there is reach out to grab him and pull a Hopkins-Calzaghe dry-hump. Of course, he's probably too slow to even do that. :verysad Williams jabs, lands a slapping right cross across the face before clinching. Uppercut by Williams now. Clinch. Liava'a is tapping his back in the clinches. Williams lands a 1-2, and another one. Wow, he actually seems to have Liava'a in a little trouble, but running out of time. Liava'a is pushed to the ropes, his head bouncing back and forth as a new right hand bangs him every time he resets his neck from the last one.

No knockout.

60-54 Williams.

 

Uh-oh. Hammy is back.

"Ladies and gentleman, can I get a round of applause for these two Ring WARRIORS???"

 

Tua says there is going to be some soulful singing in Liava'a's dressing room.

I love Tua.

 

How funny would it be if Liava'a got a gift?