Assorted Nonsense

I'm making no claims for this doggerel. I just wanted to get an idea of what I've written so I don't repeat myself / or maybe its to be able to find a poem to rip off quickly if I'm too lazy to write another... Who can say?

Boxer poems

On being asked to fight Wilder and what happened next
The notepad of Deontay Wilder
Wilder's windmills of the ring also his resume
His nemesis, legendary Dustin Nicholls
The scourge of the buffets, Bermane Stiverne
Let's be mean to Canelo
and again
and some more
again
and some more again just to be sure
The ballad of Tyson the Bison Fury
When Columbus met Luiz Ortiz
Stop the sucking of boogeyman Luiz Ortiz
Still more on the legend of Luiz Ortiz
And stop hyping him too Haymon
Chris Arreola
Stormin Nathan Gorman
On the horror of Shannon 'Let's go Champ' Briggs
Who spiked Dillian Whyte?
On Hughie Fury daring the trip to Sofia
On the great Harry Greb
And the less great Helenius
You, yes, you can fight Anthony Yarde
Yarde v Kovalev
The legend of Yarde
RIP Marvin Hagler
Tommy Fury Bumcrusher plus
Fres Oquendo is ready for his title fight now nurse
Bob Arum knows how to make a Kubrat Pulev Pudding
Conor Benn the new star of UK PPV
The quest for Errol Spence's balls

General Boxing

Finkel vs Warren
Eddie Hearn shot Kennedy
Eddie Hearn created the Coronavirus too
The result of AJ vs Fury
On being a paid servant of the evil Matchroom empire
On the price of 70 dollars for Wilder vs Breazeale
On the pressing need for more belts in boxing
Advice for those that would cherry pick their opponents
On wishing to add a body to ones record
On Wilder's fans
On the prospect of Wilder vs Charles Martin
The danger of asking for a poem
Boxing is a pantomime
On the dangers of engaging in discourse with Dubblechin should windmill be the topic
Mooving tribute to Canelo

Other nonsense
Sound advice for our poor idiot cousins across the pond
respect my pronouns *****
Why these poems suck
Canelo PED testing exclusive behind the scenes insights
Quantum physics explained.
The dangers of reading French philosophers

The Evan Fields Files

 

We tell tales of the legends,
That we watched in the past,
Will their deeds be remembered,
Will their memories last,
Amongst all those warriors,
That epic battles fought,
There's a precious small number,
That transcend the sport,

What a sight was this man,
Pate glistening and bald,
Face grim with resolve,
Hagler he was called,
In the ring simply awesome,
Not a flaw to be found,
Switching stance if he chose,
In the midst of the round,

He reigned at a time,
Of not one king but four,
Those great fights with his rivals,
Are now deep boxing lore,
He left us too soon,
But remember him thus,
There's thousands of boxers,
Only one Marvellous,

 

I wasn't sure if such blatant self aggrandisement was a good idea, but as it's tempted Potato out of the ground before spring it's creation is justified...

 

Thoughts on the second coming of Benn...

Gather round boys,
Ed's got work for you,
We need a new boxer,
For our next Pay per view,

Let's start with a name,
Famous way back when,
We did it with Eubank,
Now let's try with Benn,

Don't worry 'bout resume,
Or his fight record stats,
Just give him beard implants,
And plenty of Tats,

And feed him some lines,
To reel off to the mic,
Bout a kid in the 'hood,
That's the bollocks they like,

Then we'll feed him some pudding,
Whilst we hype him to ****
And we'll all make a million,
Or two with good luck,

 

As you doubtless know I don't like to make a big thing about being the toughest man on this forum. It's usually not something I mention, but seems like some folk here are not showing the right amount of respect recently so I'll just leave it at this...

Each morning I faced him and soon grew afeard,
Blood colder than beer from a chiller,
I decided I'd sooner grow me a beard,
Than look at the eyes of a killer,

For colder than ice were the eyes in my face,
With a visage as grim as the night,
Of pity and mercy I saw not a trace,
My reflection a terrible sight,

This board's full of pansies and puny half men,
That I'd easily swat like a fly,
Tis a truth long acknowledged again and again,
Fighting Holler's a quick way to die,