It's generally accepted that Evander Holyfield is one of the greatest fighters of all time and that he's had a glittering career. It's also generally accepted that he is way past his prime and nowhere near the force he once was. Despite this, he stubbornly refuses to quit and continues to fight at the age of 48. He insists that he wants to become the undisputed heavyweight champion of the world once again before he finally hangs up his gloves. There's more chance of Michelle Obama doing a streak across the White House lawn, though that would be more exciting to watch. Many fans and those in the media want Holyfield to quit for the sake of his health and are worried about the long-term effects of him taking more punches to the head at his advanced age. The "Real Deal" is delusional and seemingly cannot see what everyone else can see; that he is just about shot. I reckon it will take at least 5 consecutive losses for Evander to finally realize that his goal is impossible to achieve. Here's the likely scenario that will lead to his retirement: * Holyfield engages in a rematch with Sherman Williams, held in the boxing hotbed of Benson, Arizona (because no one else wants it). Fighting before a crowd of 103, Holyfield is nailed with right hands constantly and is stopped in the 5th round. Afterwards, Holyfield refuses to admit that he is past his prime and blames his loss on his training being interrupted. He reveals that during his training he invited his huge number of kids and all their respective mothers for a vacation at his home. During this visit the population of Atlanta temporarily rose by 27% and all hotels within a 15 mile radius were fully booked. * Next, Holyfield travels to Denmark to face a fat blob called Brian Nielsen. Showing a lack of strength, Holyfield is mauled about all night and loses a unanimous decision. Afterwards, Holyfield refuses to admit that he is past his prime and claims that he lost because his training was hampered by allowing all his children to visit him in his training camp. He had forgotten that he has so many kids his training camp resembled a children's playground. To entertain them, he had to provide a carousel, which left no room for a boxing ring. To make matters worse, his manager hired a clown for his kids instead of a sparring partner for the ex-champ. Holyfield vows to be better prepared next time. * Realising he needs a victory, he selects the ultimate pacifist, Audley Harrison, as his next opponent, thinking it will be a walk in the park. But sadly, his plan backfires. Showing incredible discipline, Audley sticks to his game plan of throwing one jab per round and Holyfield is lulled into a slumber, along with the crowd. When the bell rings to end the 9th round Holyfield goes back to his corner and nods off on his stool. He fails to come out for the 10th and Audley is declared the winner. Afterwards, Holyfield brushes off the embarrasment of losing to someone like Audley and explains that his training was interrupted when he had to attend the birth of his 87th son. Holyfield again vows that next time he will be better prepared. * Needing a win more than ever, Holyfield persuades Tyrell Biggs to come out of retirement. Sure that this time he will come out on top, Holyfield is instead outjabbed all night and is thoroughly outpointed. Afterwards, Holyfield refuses to admit that he is past his prime and instead claims that his training was interrupted by getting married and divorced...again. He promises that next time he will be better prepared. * It is crucial that Holyfield scores a victory and he is sure he is safe when he picks a round card girl as his next opponent. However, he forgets that there was a no-bra rule in the contract and that means as well as looking out for lefts and rights, he also has to be aware of swinging breasts. This is his downfall and he is knocked out by a swinging left breast in the 3rd round. Afterwards, Holyfield blames his loss on being distracted by a controversial remark made by a female journalist that he uses his head as a weapon in the ring. However, the female journalist clears up the controversy by explaining that she said she thought Holyfield had a nice butt. Holyfield had thought she was complimenting his alleged head-butting technique. Unable to withstand the humiliation of losing to a round card girl, Holyfield finally agress to quit. He then becomes a preacher and travels the country giving lectures on the perils of infidelity.
I've seen some recent pics of Nielsen, and there is no way Holy can lose to him - he is fat, inactive from 2002, and looks much older than Holyfield... although I realize before Williams fight also no one thought Holy may have some problems with him.
F'n hilarious. I do think that Holyfield is the most delusional person of all time and needs to be stopped as he's a threat to himself and society. Hopefully he realizes he's done and finds another way to make money legally.
I now this is all said in irony... but Holyfield really can't lose to Brian Nielsen. Brian as been inactive for 8 years, had surgery to his knee just to be able to train, and was simply not that good to begin with. Moreover, he looks almost ten years older than he really is.
I think your a rude an disrespectful dickhead, an the fact that you wrote such a long an detailed dis to holyfield means that you (a) Arent banging your wife or (b) are an ex-wife of Evander's, your a ****ing chump an probably a fat **** aswell. Dickhead...
Holyfield's last opponent before retirement!! [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvJ90_eZErw"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvJ90_eZErw[/ame]
You really felt you had to take the time to write this? I'm sure you feel better for it. If you want to criticize then ok, but can't you at least come up with something constructive instead of foul language? Anybody can do that. Bollocks, ****, wank. See? It's easy and takes no brains. Your spelling and grammar leave something to be desired as well. Anyway, you obviously can't see it was written in humour. Just calm down, take a chill pill and go out a bit more for goodness sake.
