How bad does Butterbean lose to Joe Louis

Entaowed · Feb 23, 2019

Glass City Cobra said: ↑

Lets see, we have a guy who looks like He's auditioning for the next x men movie hoping to be cast as "The Blob". Hes got a good chin, power and heart going for him (even if that heart is weighed down by lard and overexerting itself). Speed is nonexistant, defense leaky and mediocre at best, and YMCA level stamina and technique.

In the other corner, a guy who needs no introduction. Devastating combination of fluid power punching, speed, accuracy, and ring IQ. Not the best chin in the world, somewhat slow feet, but recovers quickly and plenty of heart and stamina.

Oh and despite a slight height and reach advantage, Joe's giving up the equivalent of the difference between him and every weight class beneath him in weight. This would be a cause for concern if his opppnent was an athletic specimen with functional strength, size, and explosive fast twitch muscles but apparently the only "function" Butterbean's muscles do when he's not hitting the heavy bag or knocking out uber drivers is shoveling enough food to feed a small village. It certainly makes Joe look silly jogging in the hot sun while eating as though he's homeless when he could simply eat what he wants and still make money punching people!

Here's how it might go down:

Michael Buffer is introducing the fighters. Joe is in the ring shadow boxing. He hears his opponent being introduced as he climbs up the wooden steps to the ring. Unfortunately, despite the steps being made from freshly cut mahogany and reinforced with 1/2 inch thick steel screws and plates, Butterbean's weight is enough to make the 2nd step snap like a twig. His leg goes through and the skin on his calf shreds. He now has splinters and a deep gash oozing blood.

Eric Esch manages to get his leg out with assistance from his coach, but he hollers in pain, stumbles, and crashes into the cameraman. They both hit the floor, Eric on top, and he crushes both the camera (which cuts the live feed) and breaks tje cameraman's ribs. He burns 800 calories getting up and another 200 helping the man to his feet.

There is now an uproar at showtime's call center. Thousands of infuriated fans are demanding a refund for a cancelled PPV due to Eric's injuries. Eric has a press conference where he announces that he will clean the statue at the Joe Louis arena and do exhibition fights to raise money for the injured cameraman and all the angry subscribers.

When asked how he thinks the fight would have turned out, he responds "Are you kidding?! I would have been target practice. Best case scenario for me is Joe gets tired after wailing away at my blubber, injures his wrist, and I win by RTD!".
Click to expand...

Very good, lol!
Though Butterbean has been as light as ~ 300 flat, he has also been ~400 lbs.

InMemoryofJakeLamotta · Feb 24, 2019

Glass City Cobra said: ↑

Lets see, we have a guy who looks like He's auditioning for the next x men movie hoping to be cast as "The Blob". Hes got a good chin, power and heart going for him (even if that heart is weighed down by lard and overexerting itself). Speed is nonexistant, defense leaky and mediocre at best, and YMCA level stamina and technique.

In the other corner, a guy who needs no introduction. Devastating combination of fluid power punching, speed, accuracy, and ring IQ. Not the best chin in the world, somewhat slow feet, but recovers quickly and plenty of heart and stamina.

Oh and despite a slight height and reach advantage, Joe's giving up the equivalent of the difference between him and every weight class beneath him in weight. This would be a cause for concern if his opppnent was an athletic specimen with functional strength, size, and explosive fast twitch muscles but apparently the only "function" Butterbean's muscles do when he's not hitting the heavy bag or knocking out uber drivers is shoveling enough food to feed a small village. It certainly makes Joe look silly jogging in the hot sun while eating as though he's homeless when he could simply eat what he wants and still make money punching people!

Here's how it might go down:

Michael Buffer is introducing the fighters. Joe is in the ring shadow boxing. He hears his opponent being introduced as he climbs up the wooden steps to the ring. Unfortunately, despite the steps being made from freshly cut mahogany and reinforced with 1/2 inch thick steel screws and plates, Butterbean's weight is enough to make the 2nd step snap like a twig. His leg goes through and the skin on his calf shreds. He now has splinters and a deep gash oozing blood.

Eric Esch manages to get his leg out with assistance from his coach, but he hollers in pain, stumbles, and crashes into the cameraman. They both hit the floor, Eric on top, and he crushes both the camera (which cuts the live feed) and breaks tje cameraman's ribs. He burns 800 calories getting up and another 200 helping the man to his feet.

There is now an uproar at showtime's call center. Thousands of infuriated fans are demanding a refund for a cancelled PPV due to Eric's injuries. Eric has a press conference where he announces that he will clean the statue at the Joe Louis arena and do exhibition fights to raise money for the injured cameraman and all the angry subscribers.

When asked how he thinks the fight would have turned out, he responds "Are you kidding?! I would have been target practice. Best case scenario for me is Joe gets tired after wailing away at my blubber, injures his wrist, and I win by RTD!".
Click to expand...

BitPlayerVesti · Feb 24, 2019

Entaowed said: ↑

Very good, lol!
Though Butterbean has been as light as ~ 300 flat, he has also been ~400 lbs.
Click to expand...

300Ibs, he had a bit of ability, at a low level, at 400Ibs his fat got in the way of him punching.

SHADAPBLAD · Feb 25, 2019

Any man who collapses from one punch delivered by a 240lb hot dog addict porker must surely be in for the fight of his life against Butterbean.

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How bad does Butterbean lose to Joe Louis

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