Least number of punches thrown in a title fight

Round nine:
Valuev: nothing
Haye: right hand

Nothing lands for about a minute and a half until Haye taps his wrist against the back of Valuevs head because again he threw too wide. Sky compliments him on his fantastic strategy and points out that you can't expect him to stand and trade, as if anyone is suggesting him to be Rocky. Haye lands a decent right hand followed by a jab with one minute left. Valuev tries a straight right and a left hook but both are blocked. Another wrist to the back of the head for Haye, Sky and the crowd love it. I'm giving it to Haye for that single right hand because I'm a nice guy.

Haye (87-86)

 

I'll do as I please buddy. **** off :good

 

Round 10
Valuev: right hand. soft left hook, right hand body tap, scraping right to forehead
Haye: tapping left hook, soft left hook, partially blocked right, soft left hook

About 30 seconds in Valuev throws a right that's blocked. Haye throws his first punch, a tapping left hook, about a minute into the round. Valuev lands a somewhat decent right hand with 1:40 left on the clock. Haye taps a right hand to Valuev's hip. They exchange soft left hands at two minutes in, Haye follows it up with a too wide hayemaker, Valuev with a tap against Haye's shoulder. Haye lands a partially blocked hayemaker with 20 seconds left. Valuev taps a right hand to the body. At the bell Haye lands a soft left hook while Valuev's right glove touches Haye's forehead. A draw, no idea what's worth more, not a real punch landed in the round.

Draw (97-96)

The sheer homosexuality between rounds in Haye's corner is off-putting and almost reaches Ellerbe heights but we'll continue to round eleven, after I take a massive dump which seems highly appropriate at this moment.

 

Round eleven:
Valuev: limp wristed right hand
Haye: right hand without anything behind it

About 30 seconds in Valuev throws a left and right hook, both are blocked. At 1:30 into the round Haye lands a jab and a right hand that appears to be to the side of the neck because I can't see a millimetre of movement in Valuev's head, it has no effect at all. Haye smiles as if he's performing a master class. Valuev misses a right 30 seconds later. Sky commentator openly wonders if you can score rounds on a single punch. Lots of Valuev misses, and both swing widely past each other before they clinch 30 seconds after that. At 10 seconds left Valuev blocks a Haye left hook and lands a ***gy right hand as a counter himself. Valuev rolls with a hayemaker completely neutralising it, Haye lands a slap to the back of the head, and another three minutes of my life are gone forever.

Draw (107-106)

 

I'm just having fun mate

I've never enjoyed a fight this gay so much :blood

 

Round twelve:
Valuev: nada
Haye: left hook, right hook, left hook, solid left hook that wobbles Valuev, scraping right hand punch,

A full minute passes before anything happens, Valuev throws a left hook that's blocked and misses a wild right swing. Valuev taps Haye's hip with the right 20 seconds later, very exciting all this. A haye right hand bounces off Valuev's shoulder but receives praise from Sky and the -by now probably drunk as ****- screaming crowd, a sleep inducing 30 seconds later. Haye actually lands a modest two punch combination clean on Valuev's chin with 1:10 left in the round. Ten seconds later the best part of the fight, Haye connects a left hook, wildly swings the right and misses, then lands the left hook that makes Valuev do a bit of a chicken dance. Valuev grabs and Haye manages to land a wild right inside that scrapes Valuev's chin. After being separated Haye lands one more on the back of the head and gets warned for it. Another right and left hand by Haye lands, a boxing match has started! Haye runs for the last 30 seconds (a second or so literally), misses some in the final seconds, and it all ends. Finally a round that could actually be scored, and of course Haye gets it.

Haye (116-116).

Final score (116-116). A ****ing draw. There you have it. I'm shocked myself as well actually.

 

About 40 seconds of actual fighting in the entire fight, from 1:50 to 2:30 in the last round.

 

If I was being dishonest I would scored for Valuev, and up front I was at peace with Haye winning. I actually stated that I thought he won a number of times already, and I'm not exactly a fan of Valuev either because he's ****. Haye is a much better boxer, I have no trouble admitting that.

 

I'm also extremely pleased that the judges did not agree with me, we'd still have Valuev right now and probably an immediate rematch coming up. If I could change it after scoring I'd make round 5 a draw so that Haye won.

 

I'm curious as to what rounds I scored blatantly unreasonable btw, because that's what "finding a way" implies.