Main Events advertising

Fair dinkum, is this kronkys day job.

First there was the unforgettably forgettable 'The rivalry thats divided a nation' tagline on Mundine-Soliman III.

Last week they missed a huge oppurtunity imo to promote the Vic-Arce fight as a grudge fight that beens simmering for years. Wouldn't have been too hard to include some of the insults and barbs thrown over the years.

And now we have tomorrows masterpeice.

Cue usual cliched shots of the boys in the gym, turning to camera and looking serious.
Then we get to hear two of the most ridiculous lines used to sell a fight in recent memory.

Mundine - "I'm the man thats put boxing back on the map"

Um, what? Now the huggers will storm the ramparts and nothing can be added that hasn't been said here over the last 3 years. It made me choke on my drink but even that have nothing on the gem that followed.

Taylor - "A lot of people think I've been retired but I'm still here"

Jesus, did you just say that. "Hey everybody, I havn't disappeared off the face of the earth, I've been fighting, you just havn't heard about it cos nobody cares anymore"

Doesn't this just scream me buy me?

Is this the best you can do? This was actually someones idea to sell the fight. Who is this marketing guru?

"I'm not dead, I'm still here, buy this fight!"

Geez, sling some money Waynesmales way, he be able to sell this crap to Helen Keller.

 

Scene: Main Events offices, Mundine, Khoder and Shannon are meeting the Main Event gurus to discuss the upcoming promotion.

MEG: Thanks for coming fellas.

AM: I'm da man.

KN: (Counting wads of money) Busy.

ST: Thanks, I...

MEG: OK, firstly we going to start with some highlights of Chocs fights with Crazy Kim & Pintos but we couldn't find any.

KN: (Looking up from some freshly sorted piles of $50s) How much are we charging for this one? Its a title fight you know, these things don't come cheap. Can we get away with $75?

AM: Da man likes dat.

ST: Wouldn't it...

MEG: Nah, its not gonna fly, our numbers have been low the last few and its not like its a Klitschko fight, hell, even that fool in WA buys those.

AM: I'm gonna fight him soon.

KN: As soon as we sort out the contracts, praise to be Allah.

ST: You're gonna fight...

MEG: Ahhh, anyway, we've got some great ideas for the ad.

AM: Da man thinks you should start with a close up on my head.

MEG: Ok, good, then what?

AM: What do you mean man?

MEG: Ah, whats next?

AM: Thats it man.

KN: Great idea. Can we charge them for that?

ST: I...

MEG: Ok, I like it, I really do, but me and the boys spent a good 2 minutes yesterday over lunch nutting out some great ideas we think you should hear.

KN: Time is money, Naders outside with the meter running.

AM: Its ok man, he owes me a favour.

*

To be continued...

 

MEG: Ok, heres our first idea. Roll the tape mate.

(Everyone turns to ST)

ST: Sorry?

MEG: Hit play.

ST: Uh, I don't work here mate.

MEG: What? Security!

ST: Nah mate, I'm Shannon Taylor, I'm chocs opponent.

MEG: Really? I thought you died?

KN: That would've been cheaper for us.

AM: Nah man, Shannans a warrior, hes in his prime.

ST: Ahhh...

MEG: Ok, heres the remote, see what you think.

(The room lights dim, and the ad plays on a giant screen bought from the proceeds of the Haumono-Couser PPV. Shots of Mundine & Taylor training, and turning to the camera in slo-mo).

Narrator:Every once in a while, there is a fight. And this is one of these times. And when theres a fight, someone might be knocked out. This could be one of them times as well. On Wednesday, 11th Febuary, don't miss Mundine-Taylor, 'The bout to knock the other guy out'

MEG: Whaddaya think hey, fantastic!

KN: How much did that cost?

AM: Who was that other man, man?

ST: That was me!

AM: Oh yeah...man.

KN: I didn't like it.

AM: Me either.

MEG: Whys that?

KN: Its too highbrow.

AM: Yeah, its too hightower man.

ST: I didn't have a line [In the script, shame on you for thinking otherwise]

Khoders phone rings.

KN: Hello...yes...soon...we're booking the tickets soon...he really wants to see you...very soon...yes, soon...(Whispers to AM) Its Kessler!

AM runs screaming from the room straight to Naders cab, throwing pot plants and whatever other debri he can find behind him. Khoder hangs up, marching after AM.

KN: Its fine, we'll go with whatever you decide, just remember ita a $10000 appearance fee for my client, just make the cheque out to my accountant, Craig Ash.

The room settles into an eerie silence. Just ST and the MEGs are left.

MEG: OK then, that went well. Coffee.

ST: Yeah, that'd be nice.

MEG: Great, the kettles in the kitchen, go make me one. One sugar.

A glazed look crosses STs eyes as his thinks of times past...

*

 

I would love to see the ad if Mundine ever fought Sturm.

"Theres gonna be a downpour of punches"

"Chocs looking to take out the power"

"The forecast is...pain"

Actually, I'd better stop, giving them away for free.