May-Pac Story

I posted this in another thread, but I thought it was thread worthy, as I'm quite pleased with it.



I think this kind of an4logy has been used before but I'm not sure:

May vs Pac is a bit like that girl (I'll call her George, for the sake of this story) you wanted so bad in high school.

Instead of doing your homework and studying for next day's exam, you spent the evening just thinking about George. Some days she would make you think she'd eventually go out with you, but some days she would right out just ignore you. You loved her so much, but to no avail.

Years go by, high school is over and you go on with your life without George. You have a job, a girlfriend (I'll call her Denis, for the sake of this story), everything is alright, except you still feel a bit empty. Sometimes, when you make love to Denis, you close your eyes and imagine it's George's body you're into. Some days the nostalgia of the times with George is so intense that, instead of going to work, you drive by your high school and shed a bucket full of painful tears.

Then one day, BANG! BANG! BANG! someone is knocking on your door. You open it, it's Lampley. Just kidding, it's George! She says: "I'm so sorry, I know I'm 6 years too late, but all this time I thought about you and, I love you.". She gives you her phone number and address on a piece of paper and just before she leaves, she tells you: "Come meet me May 2." You think to yourself, that's 2 months away, weird.

You're in heaven. You can't sleep at night. You can't eat. You don't make love to Denis no more. May 2 is all that's on your mind.

Then one day, a couple weeks before THE meeting, there's a thought that comes in your mind. George is not as beautiful as she used to be. She did gain quite a bit of weight. And what about her teeth. :!: You take a look back at her address written on that piece of paper she gave you and you look it up on google map. No way! She lives in the shiithole part of the city?!?

You're starting to get worried about this whole event. So one day, you wait for Denis to GTFO the house to call George to clear your head. You pick up the phone and dial the number. It's ringing. On the other end, a deep male voice comes through: "Yeah?"

-"Who is this?", you ask.
-"Adonis"
-"mmmm, is George there?"
-"You mean, if she's available? Yeah 'course"
-"uhh"
-"90$ for hour, or 100$ without condoms."

You hang up the phone. Denis comes back home and you go hug her like Wlad while thinking to yourself, damn, I was ready to quit Denis for a wh0re.


END

 

The manly names, I feel, add a certain depth to the story while forcing the reader to think about our misogynist culture. A girly name for a woman is so cliché, it's time we call a man, a man, and a woman, a man.

 

We're getting there, one step at a time.

 

I'm comparing "May vs Pac", as of now, to a wh0re, while George (May vs Pac) used to be a good looking manly named girl 6 years ago. Come on now.

 

I respectfully disagree vehemently.