McMoustache vs. Greb vs. Fitzsimmons

3-way battle royale, winner-take-all. Fitz is at his prime weight of exactly 167 pounds, Dempsey promised Greb a title shot if he wins (he lied), and McMoustache has bulked up on his beer-and-shoe-leather protein smoothies to his usual 168 pounds.

Axiomatically, we know that this fight will end with Fitz KO'ing his opponents in one round, Greb winning by UD, and McMoustache flooring everybody with his vaunted 1-punch combination (including his long-suffering wife, Irma McMoustache). Unfortunately, this leaves us with a paradox.

So...who wins?

 

You're forgetting McMoustache's gypsy years, wherein Boston Tom rode the rails, kept trim with a steady supply of beetroots and cholera, and battled under the name Tom McMoustache (with an "o") to confuse the Boston authorities. His birth certificate never clarified the matter, since he always maintained that he was born in 1792 to a family of fifty children, making him over a century old when he lost his (controversial) fight to "Gentleman" Jack Mulroney.

Besides, "McMoustache" was the spelling he gave on his membership application to Boston's Ancient Irish Order of Irish Hibernians With Irish Names. That's the one I'm using. :bart

 

That's all well and good, but the people who saw McMoustache fight live unanimously claimed that he looked like the kind of guy who'd put an "o" in his name. I'll take the word of his contemporaries over your meticulous historical research.

Besides, Fleischer is well known for his bias, adding letters to his favorite fighters' names and taking letters away from fighters he didn't think highly of. Just ask Jac Jons.