Nikolai Valuev vs Earnie Shavers

How have I never thought of this fight!

 

Interesting fight, I believe David Haye once said that it was very painful to punch Valuev in the face, as his skull would cause damage to his hands. Shavers might have the same problems here, but it's also very possible that he could knock Valuev out in the process.

I'm gonna side with Nikolai though, as there comes a point where size becomes overwhelming. The main reason Holyfield and Haye schooled Valuev was due to their movement, something Shavers did not have. If Shavers doesn't land his bomb I see Valuev winning, he's relatively underrated

 

Earnie bombed Tiger Williams with rights to the body in building up an insurmountable points lead after seven, having some difficulty reaching Roy's head, although he eventually got to it. Shavers gets at least a decision on Valuev by front running through the middle rounds. Shavers also won all three cards against Ali in round 14.

Former CW Haye proved that Valuev could be hurt, and Earnie definitely had the late round power to do it. More likely though, his rights to the body combined with criminally underrated hand speed accumulate the early insurmountable lead. Late, if Valuev goes for the kill, Earnie showed with Tiger how lethal he could be off the ropes. (Nobody else ever dropped Roy Williams, who gave Ali so much hell in sparring that Muhammad didn't want to share the ring with him too much, and Ali usually privately beat the crap out of guys who took too many liberties with him in the gym.) Any stamina issues Shavers had would be offset by his body work on Valuev. He also showed his maneuverability in Henry Clark I. 1976-1977 Earnie would bring everything to bear in this one.

Many believe former CW Holyfield won against Nikolai. Again, Earnie proved he could bring it for 14 rounds against the GOAT in a Championship Distance situation we never saw Valuev in. It was Shavers, not Manila, who ruined Ali for the rest of his life. (Muhammad's timing was off in all his remaining four bouts.)

 

For as bad as valuev was I think he outlasts the much smaller and stamina limited shavers.

 

I'd go for Valuev UD but he could be hurt so Shavers has a fair punchers chances.

 

Okay, go ahead. Convince me otherwise. I'm waiting.

https://i.imgur.com/80RQCRV.gifv

https://i.imgur.com/ScTDW4q.gifv

 

Holyfield and Haye had to dance away from Valuev though, where as Shavers will be right there infront of Valuev. Leaving him vulnerable to Valuev's clinching, which would wear down the much smaller Shavers who didn't have the best stamina.

I'd be willing Shavers to win this fight but I don't think he would've personally.

 

Fair enough, my good sir...

 

Spoiler alert: This contribution has no boobs. It should be ALL boobs! Where are the boobs? I'm waiting. (But not to match wits with you. I'm still trying to screw my head back on from last time...)

 

Okay, Slappy Jim. I know your standard for boobuses is quite high but I want to ask you this: What is the black Pong top affixed to if not Teanna Kai's boobs? Here's what I think: You decided to make a judgment call on whether or not you thought boobs would be present within the evidence presented. You were wrong. Pop quiz, hotshot: If you don't watch a GIF thoroughly enough to see what's in it, are the things within it still there? Answer: Yes. Yes, they are. Good day, sir! I say good day! ...Are you still there? If you are, I hope you've taken my advice about having a good day then. If you are not there...I suppose I am talking to myself. Why won't you say something, if you are there? Please, it's very dark in here and I am frightened and lonely.

 

Don't be disgusting, you inhumane cretin! This is a family friendly website, and I'm discussing feeding families (and the world to end all hunger) with NATURE'S PERFECT FOOD SOURCE. Teanna Kai's chest is far too poisonous to ever be considered for this most important of honors. Read on, friend....

First of all, I do my research, and Boobpedia does in fact identify her as having fake toxic implants. (This is made especially evident by the fact she is Asian, and they all have naturally ingrown boobies, as opposed to highly endowed young black girls who dispense chocolate milk and hot cocoa. Of course the typical huge breasted Jewish girls are always kosher to suckle on...) Each time Tianna needs replaced enhancements, the silicone models she uses are always bigger and bigger.

BE, you've known me well enough for over a decade to be fully aware of my staunch opposition to highly venomous fake boobs (which need to be outlawed and criminalized to protect the environment). I only like naturally giant plush and warm cushy bouncing booby-knockers with no under-boobs (like the great Russ Meyer muse Darlene Gray).

No under-boobs (ski jumps are much more preferable), no piercings, no implants, NO hepatitis inducing TATTOOS (because on girls they are disgusting and belong in circus side shows - to me, it's like discovering a "she" is actually a "he"), no hairy nipples, but luxurious hair flowing down to her beltline in knee buckling fashion is essential, ZERO cellulite, and she must be between the ages of 18 and 19 (the only suitable ages for legal consent). She must adhere to Hefner's classic Playboy era criteria which ended in March 1963 (because the very next month, the first Playmate with implants forever sullied his previously pristine standards).

Only naturally gigantic bosoms can be deliciously nourishing gnockers. My girlfriend is immensely proud of hers, and she's sufficiently counterbalanced behind with what pertinently rolls like ocean waves or a storm tossed rudder when she walks. (I gave her rear view glasses last Christmas so she can now clandestinely enjoy guys behind her enjoying her south side.) Indeed, she truly possesses tastily smothering boobs, and I've a moustache to hide the stretch marks...

Furthermore, Teanna Kai was born on March 25, 1978. This makes her an ancient 45, and I've no interest in gerontophilia or necrophilia. However, if she birthed any daughters, then sign me up. (Of course they would be Asian also, hence never on my radar.)

Do NOT force me to make you review Mondo Topless yet again! You know my standards, and implants like rocks which sit so far apart that a train could ride between her artificial endowments are entirely repugnant to me.

They MUST indeed knock together in naturally nourishing fashion, and be big enough, riding high enough that she can feed herself with both her nipples in her mouth simultaneously (you know, for rugged self-reliance and ecology protective personal recycling).

Suzanne Somers is the greatest female in North American history for bringing the use of one's own natural stem cells from France for perfectly re-growing lost breast tissue from mastectomies that can also be used for NATURALLY unlimited booby enhancements.

Contemplate the atrocity you have committed (you rotten con man) by praising boobs which might as well be inflated with sarin nerve gas plus anthrax and arsenic...(But I am NOT trading wits with you by posting this rebuttal, as I greatly fear your merry Highlander machete of retaliatory humour...)

 

If your goal was to leave me speechless for the first time since 2009 on this forum...this is as close as I ever get.

 

Damn you man, I can't concentrate on an appropriate reply while nursing on my green eyed girlfriend's coconut oiled, well warmed and saliva moistened gourmet teats (hence, she has to type this for me)... Now it's time for me to release my mouth (very reluctantly) and stuff crushed ice in my mouth to resume feeding off my Dairy Queen's Slurpee's. After the crushed ice finally melts, we might do something kinky for a change (like my gulping down on and deep throating her pencil eraser nipples to pinch them at the back of my throat while swallowing her billowy goodness...).

Been meaning to hang her on a gravity inversion table to obtain a more accurate measurement of her upper body endowments....

If I had 36HH-24-38 Kerryann "Maserati" Haughton (who has the complexion of a Dagoba Eclipse Organic Chocolate Bar), I'd tie her huge breasted giggling super voluptuous ebony curvature spread eagled onto a white leather stretching table (for contrast), thoroughly apply edible coconut oil, then bring in a sexy nymphomaniac to slather her lesbian tongue all over the plushy gap toothed Jamaican's now gleaming and glistening body for licking off her complexion very, very slowly to induce the most squirming of ticklish reactions. (If Maserati was still giggling after all that, then I'd dismember her by sawing off her limbs with a feather duster to, you know, "dust her off!...") Incidentally, like many huge norkied black girls, she complains that black dudes are only interested in the booty (which is not a food source). For a white guy, all that's needed to make her pay to do you is to concentrate on making eye to boob contact.

Where was I? Oh yeah! Something about...about...uh, boxing? Nah, that can't be it!

Rumor has it that like many horny pornies, Maserati would like to become a HH-lister in lamestream Hollyweird. Apparently, she has auditioned to play the lead in BOOBWOMAN, whose primary superpower is the ability to leap off tall buildings in a single swan dive, whereupon landing chest first, she can bounce back up beyond the atmosphere to fly around the earth. Other superpowers include the inability to drown, and clap her bosoms together to create a sonic boom. The budget for this boob buster is projected to be in the $5,000 range, with an expected box office return of around $2,500,000,000 net. (Advertising and marketing will cost around minus five dollars.)

BTW, since each viewing of porn results in a single penny being donated to Save the Boobs, I roughly figure I've contributed a couple trillion to that worthy cause by now.

My girlfriend likes it when I dress her in a bikini top made of whipped cream with maraschino cherry nipples. Then, she lets me watch as she inhales her maraschinos, then gently kneads them with her teeth before licking herself topless again. (Did I forget to mention that on the extremely rare occasions she passes gas, the resulting fragrance smells like Chanel No. 5?)

 

Just to put this into perspective Roy only ever fought one contender, Shavers himself.

His reputation was via sparring but he never translated it into actual success in the ring. Definitely an awkward customer tho and a huge man.