***Official Wilder update 6/17/2017***

--Knocked out badly by an unknown LHW in amatuers
--Outboxed badly by a Polish Sausage in the amatuers
--Squeaked by with a bronze medal somehow in the Olympics
--Put down by morbidly obese Dustin "Big Worm" Nichols with a "Check-Jab"
--Put down heavily and almost out by professional loser Harold "Hard Roc" Sconiers
--Built much of his career by beating sad corpses like Harrison and Lyakhovich
--Brought in personal friend Malik Scott to take an obvious dive
--Did not fight the real champ for his "title" but a Don King manufactured Buffet champion
--Knocked down by 2 Wlad jabs and OUT with one medium left hook in sparring
--Destroyed and almost ktfo'd by Haye in sparring
--Rocked heavily by a Firtha jab
--Could not defeat a very ill Stiverne as convincingly as Demetrice King
--Could not even knock a very ill Stiverne down like Rossy
--Some of the most shameful opponents for his "title defenses" that the world has ever seen, showing his low self esteem
--Rocked badly and almost Knocked out vs substitute teacher Molina ("Drummer Boy")
--He did not perform as well against Molina as Arreola OR Ashanti Jordan, both of whom knocked him out in 1
--Eye busted up and made to look like a gargoyle by Duhaupas ("The Reptile"), a French pastry chef
--Sold as a nice guy, but actually spends his time beating up hookers and mental patient Charlie Zelenoff, who are ironically his best opponents
--Dispresects great fighters like Tyson and Klitschko
--Now trying to claim that Fury's "courageous" win somehow makes him champion.
--Avoiding Povetkin like the plague
--Seems to be using a new tactic,probably to mask steroid use, of not allowing his pathetic opponents a full camp
--Was considering Wawryck, knocked out in 3 by his mandatory, as an opponent
--Offered a shot to Adamek, a shot to pieces 39 year old former LHW who is 1-2 in his last three, but only allowed him a 6 week camp.
--Avoided Briggs and Bronco Billy Wright, shot fighters who carry AARP cards
--Will fight an unemployed Soccer Hooligan named Szpilka? on 4 weeks notice, and will underpay him, overfeed and hooker him up
--Wilder's team, the "Burger Squad", keeps removing and scrubbing the Internet of all of his shameful knockdowns and ktfo's; mostly while attempting a bad attempt at the "Ali Shuffle", which will now be called the "Burger Bungle".
--Got punked out badly by unemployed, fur coat wearing soccer hooligan Spzilka at face off for their upcoming "title" fight
-- Was being outclassed by undersized, unemployed, glorified bum, fur coat wearing, soccer hooligan Spzilka for 9 rounds
-- Was clearly intimidated by Tyson Fury after landing a lucky punch against undersized, unemployed, glorified bum, fur coat wearing, soccer hooligan Spzilka
-- When intimidated by Fury, had to resort to his pathetic catchphrase, causing embarrassment to, and for, everyone associated with the Wilder camp.
--Now is again avoiding Povetkin like the plague and will likely be stripped of his title; but Uncle Al will give him a
worthless, manufactured PBC belt.
--Tried to fight the CAN Martin in a title unification match, but the WBC refused to allow the fight, and that Wilder fight his mandatory; then team Bronze Burger attempted to get Povetkin to fight Martin, but he refused; just another pitiful attempt to duck Povetkin.
--Wilder skips leg day, resulting in pitiful 14" calves on a 6'7 man, which produce thefunniest chicken dances and future ktfo's ever.
--Ducked and ran from his mandatory Povetkin,again, and will now face the washed up burrito-boy Arreola, who was smashed by shot Vitali,lost clearly to a shop-worn light-heavyweight, Adamek, got ktfo'd by can Stiverne (who was outclassed easily by Wilder somehow), went life and death with sub-journeyman Kaufmann, who also ironically failed a drug test.
--Will probably be made to do a dance by the aforementioned,washed up,burrito and Corona boy Arreola, and very well might get ktfo'd too.
--Ducked fight with a clean Povetkin, ran back to Alabama, and still demanded $5million dollars, now will fight someone who trains on burritos and coronas
--Ran from aforementioned Burrito-Corona-Boy and took him 8 rounds and still couldn't beat him as convincingly as Buffet king Stiverne
--Tried so futile hard to KO Arreola with hisoverrated power shots, he broke his puny wrist and biceps and still couldn't put the shot Californian out. There was a mercy stoppage
--Now is ducking everyone for the rest of the year due to his "courageous" injuries, including his 2 year mandatory Povetkin and states he will fight Joshua, as a cash out but everyoneknows he will chicken out.
--Miraculously was healed from his injuries only AFTER his mandatory, Povetkin, announced he would fight buffet King Stiverne.
--Now is cleared to come back in the Spring, but will likely choose another scrub like Wawryck or Bronco Billy as defense and call it a necessary "tune up".
-- WBC grants Wilder an unprecedented 5TH voluntary defense, and announces he will likely fight the total can Wawryck in the Spring who was spanked in 3 by his mandatory.
--Now his mandatory Povetkin, destroyed in Tyson-esque style, the French pastry chef Duhaupas, the guy who busted up Wilder and took all his "power" shots no problem, in fewer rounds than Wilder.
--Fought former football player with a miserable record they duded up from nowhere, named George Washington who got a gift decision against the smaller Monsour, to fight as a freaking "title" defense.
--Was outboxed and hurt several times by jabs from aforementioned duded up football player George Washington, further showing his weakness, only to land a lucky punch to win a hotly contested title fight, whom would've been KTFO 1 by other title holders, even Wlad!
--Celebrated his win over aforementioned former football player who rocked him heavily with jabs by dancing and yelling his dumb mantra "bum squad" repeatedly, causing more shame for him and his handlers.
-- Now will face the winner of two washed up, past it, KTFOd scrubs Helenius and Chisora. A smashing fight for scrub Wilder considering these guys were contenders 10 years ago and have been knocked by scrubs since. Disgrace. Protected by WBC which we now must wonder if they are based in Alabama.
--Moronic statue, which ironically has better skills and chin than him, built in Alabama, yet we wonder where Butterbean and Nichols statues are. Pathetic
--Will again, probably be made to do a dance by whomever wins the elimination to fight Burger Boy, and may get KTFOd and if he manages to scrape by again we can expect a cash out vs Joshua in England, in which he will be thoroughly destroyed.
--Turns out that he will now, to Wilder's delight, be again facing the slob,buffet king Stiverne, As his 1st pathetic mandatory in over 2 years. Shameful
--After Joshua and Klitschko put on a heavyweight classic, Wilder was so shaken by Joshua's display of brutal power, grit, and chin that he went from prefight calling Joshua out, to getting in skirmishes and calling out blown up LHW scrub Bellew, who got lucky in his fight against a damaged Haye.
-- Lied about being demolished, flattened, And embarrassed by Wlad in sparring after several eye witnesses came out with accounts of his pitiful performance on the media.
--Was apparently ringside for Toney's record setting world title victory, but was too shaken by the older man's power and skill to call him out for a unification bout
--Busted with marijuana, a VADA banned substance in his vehicle in the hero's hometown of Tuscaloosa, and later claimed it wasn't his; yet will still continue to run from and avoid Povetkin like the black plague.
-- His fight name will now be Bong Squad.
-- Yet still will probably fight the fat, unhealthy scrub Stiverne to close out his year despite all his hot air calling out other fighters.
-- Bong Squad turned down a $6mil offer to face the scrub Whyte, yet will end up fighting a different scrub like Stiverne or Drummer Not for a quarter of the money showing his idiocy and lack of confidence of fighting outside of the swamps of Alabama vs someone who can punch

 

He's the gift that keeps giving. I'm gonna have to publish a book about his career when he retires