Ok there's this guy in the gym

we've got a guy like that in our gym. i love sparring him though cause let him just throw his bombs move out the way and tap him with fast short punch without any power which frustrates him even more because he cant hit me.
just use him to work on my reflexes now but he doesnt try it any more because he knows im too fast for him
always see him target the new kids to make himself feel better though, but after they get experience they start to give it him back to.
its like aj415 says these guys arent usually as good

 

I'd refuse to spar with him in future on the grounds that he wasn't sparring but fighting, whilst expecting me to spar and not fight.

 

Given the above comment, why are you asking for advice?

Look, you have already said that he's been going round saying that he won't spar with you - end of story! If he then comes back after saying such things, put him on the spot. ie:

He asks you to spar, you say - I'm afraid that you will have to find someone else, as I have heard that you were unwilling to spar with me.

This puts the onus straight back on him.

Then go ahead and ask him why he has spread those rumours. You will probably find that he will walk off with his tail between his legs at this point, as no one likes to be called out and held accountable for lies they have told.

If he's still adamant that he wants to spar with you, the following three words should suffice: **** off, Dickhead.

Case closed, no more rumours.

 

This would be funny to watch in our gym, dont think it would happen so politely though

 

I'm kinda picky about who I spar and when.
I may come off like a b!tch I don't really care.
Maybe I'm just old, but it doesn't really prove anything to me, I'd rather fight when it counts.
I've had a lot of bad experiences like the ones listed above, lots of injuries that didn't have to happen, so I haven't really regretted not sparring every single person I come across.
I have 3 buddies I spar most of the time - one guy who's tall, one guy who's strong, and one guy who's fast. Outside of those 3 I don't spar anyone unless my coach asks me to.
Good sparring partners are worth their weight in gold, hang on to 'em when you find 'em.

 

Why not?

You can't go through life being a shrinking violet.

My point is - ASSERT YOURSELF.

As an adult, you have the right to say no, and you have a right to an explanation if someone has told lies about you. If you back down, you invite further such behaviour.

If I were in my gym, your gym or anyone's gym, and someone had been spreading rumours about me, you can bet your ass i'm taking it up with them, and if they don't like being held accountable - tough ****.

One thing is for certain, even if it did end up in a fight, you would at the very least have the respect of the other gym members.

 

I don't know about you guys, but we aren't allowed to spar unless the coach says so. Plus, he picks who we spar with.

 

see, now that's a good gym.

my gym last night, pro mma guy waits for the coach to leave before boxing sparring with a few guys (we're a muay thai gym), and proceeds to beat them senseless. One of my training partners listed above was one of the guys he mauled. I'm talking hurts them with a shot, and then just bombs on them nonstop while they're covered up. Watching it ticked me off. I don't handle people trying to run me over very well, I know I would've gotten angry and hit him back - a lot. Win or lose it would've been a fight; and that's not really what you want all the time in training. Thinking about it, I'm still ticked at the guy.

Wow, just found out he was wearing fight gloves to spar...
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000L81GK4...KIKX0DER&tag=shopzilla_rev_30-20&linkCode=asn

 

Our gym is owned and ran by Jesse Ravelo, 1996 olympic boxing coach. Plus, non of that beat eachother senseless stuff goes on here; when we spar, the trainers watch you and fix up what you're doing wrong. If you have a bad attitude you simply are kicked out

 

He was talking about the fact you instructed him to "assert himself" like he was a waiter in a restaurant or a valet.

I am sure if he talks to him like that "Im afriad that we can't spar today sir" this kid will take him serious

 

Ok, mind games 101 in session...

You don't have to be nasty to get your point across, infact, if your put your point across politely (verbally), whilst being direct (eye contact, and firm), with short, direct sentances, whilst placing emphasis on your point, it sends a powerful message to the recipent.

One of the main parts of being assertive is putting across your own opinions whilst respecting the other parties rights, and we all have the right to be spoken to with respect, hence my advice to put forth an honest opinion, in a straight forward manner.

If on the other hand, you took an agressive approach in the first instance, and uttered something like "**** you, you have been spreading lies about me you jumped up piece of ****", chances are the situation is going to escalate, and ill feeling will only increase between both parties - this won't get anyone anywhere!

A benefit of being assertive is that you are giving the recipient a chance to deal with things in a respectful fashion, and that gives both parties the chance to resolve their differences and put any issues to bed, without things resorting to violence. If the recipent is not receptive to assertiveness, which bullies usually aren't, they will either disappear and won't come back (because they are embarassed), or it will turn into a scrap.

By being assertive, you draw your line in the sand, and you give the recipient clear guidelines as to what is and isn't acceptable, and regardless of what you say, others will see this and take note, and you will be respected a whole lot more for dealing with things like a man, and not a *****!

I would say, don't knock it till you have tried it. It is an extremely empowering experience.

Last piece of advice - Spreading rumours is a form of bullying - when was the last time you saw a genuinely assertive person get bullied? Passive people get bullied, and by letting this guy spread rumours about you without any form of accountablilty, he is bullying you, and by continuing to spar with him, you are being passive, by way of accepting his abuse (spreading rumours) and rewarding him for it (by continuing to spar with him), and this is why you continue to find yourself in this position.

Edit: And at no point did I suggest that he call his tormentor "Sir". Reread what I said, and comment on MY selection of words if you wish, not what your interpretation of them is.

 

Good points Bodi. Now that im older i approach things a bit wiser then when i was young and up for the fight. In the old days i would have done one of two things....
1)confront the dude and get it off my chest even if it ended in a fight, which it would if i didnt get a satisfactory response ...

2)avoided all the talk and just waited till the sparring started and make a clear statement in the ring in response to his bull****.Then id tell him why if he asked whats my problem.

Gym members are family. Thats the way i see it these days. Coaches need to monitor just whats going on amongst the boys and deal with it accordingly.I suggest if there is a problem then talk it over with the coach because at the end of the day its better to fix a problem straight away then let it eat away at you for longer than is necessary. :hey

 

I wouldn't mind getting into the ring with you, Life Coach :hey:!:.

 

You are more than welcome to.

Technically, I am retired, but I do still spar from time to time. If you would like to get into a ring with me as you proclaim you would like to, you can contact me via private message, and I will happily give you details of where I train. Feel free to hop on a plane, hit the gym with me, and perhaps I could even interst you in some assertiveness training afterwards.

Life Coach... never thought of myself in that light, but I will accept it as a compliment - thankyou.