Real Talk with Cliff Brown: The Dmitry Pirog Story

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It's 7:30 am in Gelendzhik, Russia. Inside of a abandoned vodka distillery the air is almost as cold as the attentive stares of the two chess masters. Dmitry Pirog's breath is visible, and it rolls across the board like the fog on the battlefield as he strategically advances his bishop to e4. An all too familiar grunt is heard from across the table as his opponent, and fellow comrade, Igor Tsiolhovsky acknowledges the move's significance. Tsiolhovsky is a former soviet nuclear physicist, and played an essential role in Stalin's reign. But why is he playing chess with Russia's undefeated WBO middleweight champion?


"It was a miscalculation" said Tsiolhovsky, "Project K9* was supposed to be my greatest creation but it failed due to a minor miscalculation. I had exhausted an incredible amount of funding and had nothing to show for it. In turn, the man who I believed I could trust (Stalin) had me imprisoned".

*Project K9

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After many years of confinement in Butyrka*, Moscow's oldest, and toughest prison, Tsiolhovsky was finally released. "I happened upon a boxing gym that also held chess tournaments,after 40 years with only the comfort of the cold stone walls and the occasional bowl of porridge, I figured this would lift my spirits, and it was there that I saw him". Dmitry proved to be quite a challenge for Tsiolhovsky, it was a close game but a game Tsiolhovsky would ultimately win. Tsiolhovsky would stick around out of curiosity to watch the young Pirog spar.

*Butyrka prison.

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"I was amazed, I never knew that there was such a science involved in boxing, Dmitry opened my eyes and I had to see more. I had to get involved and formulate the perfect, unbeatable strategy for Pirog, and when I offered to be in his corner he accepted my offer". Much of what takes place in training remains a mystery to the public as only a select group of individuals have sufficient security clearance to enter the compound, but the results are glaringly obvious. "I am unbeatable" Pirog proclaims "I have discovered the perfect mixture of offensive and defensive strategies to guarantee victory".

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When asked about DiBella's harsh comments("**** Dmitry Pirog") Pirog responded "I decline his offer. I am not interested in same sex relationships and even if I could procreate with Lou DiBella I would not as his genetic make up is so vastly inferior to my own". The game is near it's end when Dmitry moves his Queen to b5 overtaking Tsiolhovsky's knight, and the game as well "Checkmate".

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Here is some unearthed footage of Igor Tsiolhovsky's experiment.

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