"Straight out of Liverpool"

Loyalty, respect..a promise..and a hand shake.

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One thing you must understand about me i am loyal man, i can keep a promise. And i will fight for that promise with unbreakable defiance for along as a breath. When i realised that had to stop boxing, because at this present time in my life it was the right thing to do as a man. I almost cried, but then i realised. In life there are many fights, there are many wars..and sometimes people fight the wrong fights and the wrong wars. And there the same people that die for the wrong reason's.........

I turned up to the boxing gym one day..and i was warming up. I saw Rasta Man walk into the gym with a black eye, you see he had a amateur bought the night before, which he successfully won.

And i just stood there in my Nike Body armour, skipping..but at the same time i was aware of other people. I was watching them train hard and push themselves..and i thought to myself.

"These people do this everyday of the week, if they are not in the gym they are in the streets.."

"And then i asked myself the most serious question i have asked myself in 4 years.."

Can you dedicate yourself to the sport 24/7..7 days aweek..like all these other people.

And that's when i realised i couldn't. And i walked over to the bench and just sat there for awhile, it was like i was invisible..and deep down i knew why i couldn't dedicate.

Because i was feeling guilty and a coward.

4 years ago, i made a promise...back in 2004..i made a promise. I said to my coach and training partners, that i was going to become the greatest athlete that has ever came out of Liverpool.

I was sitting on the bench, i realised i was fighting the wrong War..in this boxing gym..and this boxing game.

"Life is War..physical combat..psychological combat..this is all War"

4 years ago..a 17 year old me, a machine..wasn't human..was on the brink of fulfiling the potential he thought he had...thinking back now. Maybe i trained to hard..maybe i went beyond the limit to many times.

"I sustained a injury..a simple groin strain. But with my eagerness and arrogant nature, i still trained..in pain. I broke down in competitions, months went by and my mum made me go to the Doctors.

"I had developed tendentious..and was told not to train for 2 months..."

Just 2 weeks went by..and i was back training. With my leg strapped, and taking Ibuprofen..and Muscle relaxants. Because this was the only way i could sustain a decent amount of intensity through training sessions.

Deluded i still thought i could drop something serious...i lined for a 200m at a National Junior League.

"But i was in too much pain on the bend, and broke down in the last 100m"

After the race...i walked into the changing rooms. I decided that this was the last time i was ever going to compete and dedicate 100% to this sport..i took some Ibuprofen and muscle relaxants. Nobody knew i was taking this medication just to make it through training sessions or even to compete.

"I kept it all to myself..and emotionally this killed me"

I was on the last leg of the 4 x 400m..and i brought the team home in 1st position.

After the race, i took my top off and raised my hand in the air for the last time, making a symbolic statement...retiring at 17..."

"That would be the last time, i ever competed seriously..so i left my training group, my coach and i never gave no one no explantion...when you reach the cross roads..you can go two ways"

"You can leave all your troubles and ambitions behind...or you can walk back down the road of redemption...I respect every man that walks down the road of redemption...Look at Audley Harrisson in recent times..he could of given up after being beaten..but he has made the decision to walk down the road of redemption..because that's what men do"

I decided to...Leave that part of my life behind..i chose not to even try and redeem myself in that sport.

Back to the present time, i am sitting on the bench in the boxing gym..thinking of this. That's when i realised i had to go back and fulfil that promise like a man, because that's the only way i can move on and put the demons to rest.

I left the boxing gym that night without even saying goodbye to the trainers and coaches..i just slipped out the back door and walked home on the streets.

"I was walking home..the streets did not look the same in the dark..under the night sky. That's because i don't think i was walking on them same streets..that i have grown up on all these years..that's because i was walking down the road of redemption"

Preach...

With every step i was nodding my head...i was going home..and i felt rejuvenated...everybody has a calling in life..and its took me 4 years to answer my call.

And for the first time in 4 years i knew what i was going to do, and how i was going to do it. And once i have achieved my goals and fulfiled my promise, then i can leave with pride and knowing that i gave it my best shot.

I was coming home from Liverpool City Centre..2 days ago. And a young girl comes and sits next to me on the train..and asks me

"When are you coming back to the boxing gym"

I am not fickle or shallow like most people...i don't just involve myself in something or do something for the notoriety.

I said to the young girl.

"Listen i have to leave..but i will be back..because i made a promise and shook peoples hands that i would fight..i will be back later on in the year.

She laughed and said

"Your never come back"

I looked back at her, and looked straight in her eyes...

And i said

"I have shook another man's hand..are head trainer. I shook that man's hand, and i made a promise..i am no coward my life dos'nt allow me to be..that's why i will be back. At the moment i have to take care of business elsewhere, i have to fulfil another promise. And i don't want to short change myself turning up once aweek to the boxing gym..because when i do something i want to be the best. I want to be training when others sleeping, i want to be planing when others are taking a break..because that's my mentality it is WAR, and i am not a nice enough guy to give other athletes a chance to beat me at anything. So that's why i am not coming the gym..because i will only be able to make it afew days week..and that's a chance..and i don't like giving chances to people"

And that was the end of that conversation.

"Always be true to yourself..never try and prove a point to anybody else..because in your deepest darkest moment you are the only person that matters..there could be a 1000 people in a stadium that think your going to loose..but what matter is what you think. And if you can fulfil a promise then fulfil it..because that what makes real Men and real women"

"In a room filled with men, i will be the last man standing"

Lennox Lewis.

 

"The second coming of - 190"


Since i declared my attempt to return for redemption, many hours have past. Allot of pain has been felt, muscle density has increased. And the man himself is - 190 again!!!, it's the second coming. 4 years have past...now i am back!

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May 10th..

"The second coming of - 190"