The best Tyson quotes of all time

I could see tweety bird when i read this:rofl they are all funny

 

shut up boy tyson would make you cry for the deputy:hey

 

this thread is hillarious I cant stop laughing

 

NONE OF THESE!!!!

His best one was the quote about finding the guys children and stomping their testicles so they can feel the pain he feels everyday!

(not sure how the quote goes exactly...and Im too lazy to google it...but thats the gyst...absolute HILARITY!!!)

 

Talking to Ruddock he said" i'll make you kiss me with those big lips"

 

A little known one from when he was getting an honorary doctorate:

I don't know what kind of doctor this makes me, but looking at all these fine young ladies out here in the audience, I'm thinkng of being a gynocologist."

Class.

 

:rofl

 

“I want to throw down your kid and stomp on his testicles, and then you will know what it is like to experience waking up everyday as me. And only then will you feel my pain.”


While "SPINAL!!" (or more accurately "THPINAL!!") is a favourite, and the long "Alexander" rant is quite possibly his best promo ever, I like these two as textbook examples of Tyson-talk :

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"One morning I woke up and found my favorite pigeon, Julius, had died. I was devastated and was gonna use his crate as my stickball bat to honor him. I left the crate on my stoop and went in to get something and I returned to see the sanitation man put the crate into the crusher. I rushed him and caught him flush on the temple with a titanic right hand he was out cold, convulsing on the floor like a infantile ******."
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It starts off so sad, then suddenly it's violent, then finished off with the visual image as a kind of literal punch-line. The pattern repeats here :

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I paid a worker at New York's zoo to re-open it just for me and Robin. When we got to the gorilla cage there was 1 big silverback gorilla there just bullying all the other gorillas. They were so powerful but their eyes were like an innocent infant. I offered the attendant $10,000 to open the cage and let smash that silverback's snotbox! He declined."
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Again, it starts off kinda wistful, like he sees a kindred spirit in the gorilla or something, like an "innocent infant". Then here comes the violence again, along with the visual image of Tyson left-hooking a gorilla in the mouth. Finished off with the classic unintentional deadpan humour of a reply to this ridiculous request - "He declined."

Seriously, I think you could take a university course about Tyson's promos...

 

"You gave her a lapdance"

"Yes its what I do.....I try to be different"

 

i like these personally:

"Being a champion opens lots of doors—I'd like to get a real estate license, maybe sell insurance."

"Anyone with a grain of sense would know that if I punched my wife I would rip her head off. It's all lies. I have never laid a finger on her."

"I like doing other things. I like getting high and hanging out with my kids. I like drinking. I have so many demons."

"I wanna talk nice to you, and talk about fornicating with you, and letting you suck my dick. 'Cause if I was eloquent with you, you would still look at me as a scumbag."

"If I take this camera and put it in your face for 20 years, I don't know what you might be. You might be a homosexual if I put that camera on you since you were 13 years old. I've been on that camera since I was 13 years old."

i could go on and on but there are too many. For those of you with time to kill:

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mike_Tyson

 

"Put your mother in a straight-jacket you punk ass white boy. Come here and tell me that, I'll **** you in your ass you punk white boy. You ******. You can't touch me, you're not man enough. I'll eat your ******* alive, you *****. C'mon anybody in here can't **** with this. This is the ultimate, man. **** you, you ho. Come and say it to my face.... I'll **** you in the ass in front of everybody. You *****.... come on, you *****. You're scared coward, you're not man enough to **** with me. You can't last two minutes in my world, *****. Look at you scared now, you ho.... scared like a little white *****. Scared of the real man. I'll **** you 'til you love me, ******!" [After being told by a spectator that he should be put in a straight-jacket]

 

I like "im going to **** you until you love me"

 

had to put this gem in there:

"I've realized, at this stage in my life, there's nothing wrong with backing down. You can set a good example that you don't have to throw blows or be belligerent to get your point across. You can disarm (people) with words. I probably have a 20,000-word vocabulary. I'll match my wits with anyone on literature, science and the arts."

 

That was by far the best. Im gona get a t shirt with that printed on it.:happy