Three reasons why Haye should retire NOW

1) We all know the boy has very fragile health... Anytime he doesn't perform it's either because he hurt his back, injured his finger or had a period. In a way it's quite surprising his jaw still holds up, given all the strain he puts on it with the incessant ****-talking...

2) In light of his spectacular back-pedaling and joint-stinking skills, not to mention his epic sense of humour ('I am the best heavy-weight boxer in the world' in his post fight interview) - Haye clearly has a bright future in the circus (the 'back-pedaling, ****-talking, joke-cracking, stink wonder' anyone?).

What makes that option more appealing is that the risk of injury is far smaller, and the number of things you can blame once things don't go your way is much longer as well... (slippery asphalt, bike too heavy, temperature too high, saddle uncomfortable - you get the picture). Given that he fights once every two years the money might well be comparable also (and he won't have to abstain from sex, pre-fights so his wife would probably second that as well...).

3) Finally, retiring now is the only way he'll retain his 'title' for long. Put him in with either Klit (or even a Chambers, Solis or Gomez) and he leaves on a stretcher - which even blind judges might find difficult to rig.

Instead, if he retires now the legions of die-hard Haye sack-suckers will be able to go on for years about how he was the best thing in boxing (ever) and how he could have taken Ali, Marciano and both Klits out in one night... (which, accidentally, might even be true - but only if we organised a back-pedaling contest). So he becomes a living legend - surely not a bad thing (with a lot of marketing potential)!

So, if you seriously consider 1), 2) and 3) retirement from professional boxing is really the only logical option for David right now. Given yesterday's 'performance' dead), I say: Just do it!

 

I'm here to stay. But seriously, which one of 1) - 3) do you take issue with?